DanandDalaina.com

Our summer back in the USA isflying by - we are already halfway through our furlough. It's been jam-packed with lots of visits with friends and supporters, presentations, and a day at Disneyland, which the boys LOVED. The boys are weathering the transition beautifully, though we still have a hard time getting Moses to pee inside. Yesterday while swimming at a friend's house, we all looked over and saw him "watering" their palm tree. At least he didn't pee in the pool... We are enjoying each moment, though Dan and I are both missing Peru and anxious to get back to the Caquinte and our life there with them.
 
We are still trying to get my depression medication figured out. The beginning of the journey actually started years ago when I went on birth control and soon after had to begin a mild anti-depressive. With each birth, my hormones kicked up and we ended up changing drugs again. We (with the doctor's blessing) have decided to see what happens if I get all drugs and extra hormones out of my system. Now I am off the drugs and have switched to a non-hormonal based birth control. I have been praying that God would simply heal me. So far so good, though Dan and I are taking bets as to how long it will be until I wind up pregnant again (eek). Thanks so much to the many of you who have been praying for me specifically in this area. 
 
A big struggle in this drug war has been trying to figure out how to function through the sleepiness. I've often slept up to 14 hours a day and been tired during the other ten. Trying to juggle everything without dropping a few (or all) of my balls has been awful and has often left me feeling completely inadequate in every way. Dan has been supportive, but it has been for him to have a wife that can't carry her load. The boys can't communicate their feelings, but it has affected them to have a mommy without enough energy to play with them like I want to. My language study goal for the summer has gone out the window. I don't call my best girlfriends nearly as often as I should. And on and on and on I see where I am totally failing. 
 
The other night after the boys were in bed, I drove up to a lookout point and bawled for a long time. Why would God give those 3 hyper, little boys to me when I can't take care of them like I should? Why put me in a ministry that requires so much time and focus, when I struggle to have enough of either? In so many ways, I feel like a joke with legs. People that don't know me well enough pat me on the back for being a missionary, and I just want to say, "You are more qualified - maybe you should be there instead." 
 
On Sunday, our outreach pastor preached on the human condition. What he was talking about was our sinfulness, but I got stuck on point one. We are made in God's image, and everything good about us is a reflection of who God is. The reality is that this fallen world produces fallen people like me with shortcomings, temptations, and weaknesses. And that is what grace is for. Grace to cover sin, and grace to cover sleepiness. Without my struggles, how else would I rely on Him for each day? How else could I know Him as a fortress and rock? One of my favorite songs has a lyric that says, "Be gentle with me, Jesus, as you tear me apart." How I have felt that these last few years! As He has ripped away layers of self-entitlement, self-focus, selfishness, He has gently filled those places with a greater understanding of who He is. In the same moment He revealed my inadequacies, He poured His grace and I realized it's okay. 
 
If there is one thing that I know that I know, it is that God will NOT share His glory with anyone. If he has killed (some of) my pride in order to lift Himself high, then I am SO THANKFUL because more than anything I want my life to be used to glorify Him. In 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, Paul explains that God uses the weak, foolish, lowly (ooh ooh, that's me!!) so that no one could boast before Him. Anything that I do right is clearly a result of God's grace. This not only strengthens my faith, but (I hope) pushes others to consider the cross too. 
I know that I am not the only one that struggles with feeling like I can't measure up, so I pray that if one of you identifies with me you will be encouraged that (1) Even your flaws have purpose in bringing your Savior the glory He deserves, and (2) No one else really measures up either, and for that we are glad because we can boast about the Great God who adores us and sees us through the blood of Jesus who is more than enough.
 

This weekend Dan is gone to Tsoroja to get the internet installed out there. I got left with the three boys, and it has already been quite a weekend even though it is only half over.

Dan left yesterday morning at 6 am, and he woke up the boys in the process. When I went to their room to get them up, Moses was happily sitting on top of the dresser which happens to be about 6 1/2 feet tall. Jake still had a 104 fever from the night before. I carried the twins downstairs, and Moses lagged behind. Unfortunately a light socket in the hallway caught his attention, and I had to kiss the boo boo on his finger he got from being electrocuted. While I was consoling Moses, Ben climbed a bookcase and started eating a tube of diaper rash cream. And this was all before breakfast...

The day continued with much of my time taken up with Moses' potty training. We are proudly bribing him with gummy bears for number 2, and he has figured out how to control his bowels enough so that each poopy takes at least a dozen times on the toilet. I am running out of gummy bears...

In the afternoon, my teammate came over to let me know that Moses has been terrorizing everyone's yard for the past couple of days, and they just now figured out that it was him (because all the other kids were inside). See, a few days ago, we made it very clear to Moses that he was not to use the water hose, but we neglected to tell him that included everyone else's water hoses as well. He went over to our neighbor's yard, pulled down some steel rebar (don't know how he managed to lift it) and then unwound their hose, sprayed their porch down and managed to spray the curtains INSIDE their house as well. He has apparently pulled similar stunts at a couple of the other houses as well. I had a talk with him, and he learned to say "please forgive me" in English and Portuguese before dinner.

While Moses was apologizing, the twins got sent to their room for whining. When I went up to get them, one of them had pulled the door to their dresser right off it's hinges. Again, I don't know how since the door is significantly taller and heavier then either of them. Maybe it was a combined effort...

By the time bedtime rolled around, I was ready for it. Jacob, still feverish, was not convinced bedtime was what he needed, so he put up a stink for an hour and a half before he passed out. Around 3 am, he wanted to have another go-around. After a dose of Tylenol, an attempt at sleeping in my bed, and an hour of my life, he fell asleep again. But only after waking up Moses and Ben first.

This morning, the boys sweetly let me sleep in until 7:30. Not because they were sleeping though. No, they were just very quietly vandalizing their room. I walked in and found blood on the wall, dripping down the infamous dresser, all over the clothes that had been pulled out of the drawers, and in a puddle on the floor. There was broken glass from a light fixture on the floor, in each bed, in each drawer, and in Moses' hand (though he didn't seem to mind much). I ushered them downstairs and realized that now Ben needed tylenol for a fever too. After breakfast I stupidly decided that I needed to go to the bathroom. In the (literally) minute and a half I was in the bathroom, both twins climbed 2 baby gates and went up the stairs. Ben was banging away on the computer keyboard, and Jacob was dipping my card reader into the toilet in the upstairs bathroom. I still haven't stopped to find out if it is permanently water-logged.

I decided to try to entertain them, but fever plus lack of sleep made for some grumpy, uninterested kids. Not even Veggietales could interest them. So I filled the kiddie pool in the yard and brought them out to play. Now most good mothers would not let their feverish children go skinny dipping, but I figured that Dr. Grandpa said to keep the fever down by cool baths, and this was close enough. That worked pretty well until our pet deer, Bambi, decided she wanted to swim too. That terrified the twins, so we came inside.

Now they are fed and sleeping (please God, let it be a long nap!). I have learned one important thing the past day and a half: If something happens to Dan, I will be taking resumes before he is even buried. I am not cut out to be a single mother!

Here is our calendar for the summer. If you'd like to be on it, let us know!

A year ago this week we made the long trip from California to Peru. It some ways it's mindblowing that it has already been a year, but mostly I can't believe it has only been a year with all that has happened!
The boys are no longer babies. All three of them are talking, playing, and delighting us as their personalities emerge. Ben and Jake now wear glasses, and Moses has left toddlerhood to become a sweet little boy. Ben has emerged as a fearless, impluslive clown and keeps us in stitches with his goofy faces. Jacob is sensitive in a way that baffles me, though he has a stubborn streak that matches his brothers'. Moses is still totally ahead of the intellectual curb. We are never sure quite how to deal with such advanced understanding  that is wrapped in the volitile emotions of a two year old.
Dan and I have certainly experienced our own growth and changes. Going on 6 years of marriage, we have learned to lean on each other's strengths and love through each other's faults. Perhaps the most difficult part of this year for us as a couple has been simply finding the time to be together. Without grandparents and a plethera of willing babysitters, we have had to be creative in our attempt to date. Lunch out during naptime is now the most typical way we get to spend time together. Now that we are working together as co-missionaries, we have learned to deligate responsibilities according to our strengths. Dan handles the buying, technology, and leads in the language learning race. I have taken over most of the communication, paperwork, and packing. We both put in our share of baby duty and spending time with the Caquinte when we are out in the village. The most rewarding part of it all is simply being able to share so much huge decision making. We are able to listen to each other and sometimes simply stand aside when the issue is very important to the other. And that is a big step for two control freaks!
For me personally, the year has come with a few dramatic swings - mostly in my mood. I quite nursing the twins not long after we arrived in Peru and immediately experience some wild hormone changes that greatly aggravated my depression. This made the first two stints in the village pretty overwhelming, but mostly it assulted my ability to cope with wife and motherhood. My family became my greatest struggle which was also a huge source of guilt. After a false start, we finally found a drug that worked for me at the beginning of the year, and the difference was incredible. The major drawback is that I am tired most of the time, but that is a small price to pay to have me back from hiding.
Though I can't really speak for Dan's personal experiences, I can say that I have observed changes in him. Maybe from dealing with a nutty wife and 3 babies or maybe simply from growing a year older, Dan has become much slower to speak and act. He has learned to listen even more. His natural chatty-ness has been used to lead 1 person to Christ already, and he has also befriended a neighbor in Pucallpa to the point that the neighbor has attended church with us. To be sure, he has frustrations with not being able to accomplish what he wants in the timeline he wishes, but I think he is more and more able to see a bigger picture and accept what is gracefully.
At any rate, the next year is sure to bring even more adventures as we delve deeper into the Caquinte language and culture and experience our first furlough. We have been blessed in both our ministry and our personal life, and we are grateful to a God that has walked us through each step.

Not long after we arrived in Peru we met a Peruvian American friend named Manny through our teammate Dave. Manny and Dan became buddies quickly, and we have been able to spend a bit of time getting to know him while we are in town. Manny has had quite an adventurous life, though I won't go into it since those are details for him to share, not me. At any rate, he is living with a local pastor's family and working in their church.
We found out recently that his birthday is coming up, and we decided that we would throw a surprise birthday dinner. Nothing big or fancy - just our family, Dave, and of course, Manny. But we didn't tell him about it. When he arrived for dinner last night, we told him that we were celebrating his 51st birthday. He was speechless. We had a big dinner (chicken wings) and carrot cake and a couple of small gifts. It was a fun, relaxing evening.
When Dan drove Manny home, he found out how much the evening had meant to our friend. Apparently, it was the first time in years and years that anyone had celebrated his birthday. Just a few days ago, he had told another person that he has gotten to the point that he thinks maybe he should just look out for number one because no one really cares abotu him or looks out for him anyway. Then he stepped into his surprise dinner party. He said it was a God-sized slap in the head reminding him that there are people who love and care about him. Haha! I just love it when God pulls stunts like that. His timing is always right on!